Is Your Closet an Anxiety Trigger? One woman's mental health journey through the deep dark recesses of her closet

Ever had one of those days where you don’t want to get out of bed because that means you have to go to your closet? If you’re like my client and friend, Janice (name changed for privacy), the bed blues is an all to often occurrence and triggered by the overwhelming task of going to the closet to find clothes to wear that day.

This is how Janice describes her journey from starting off her days completely overwhelmed to having a peaceful easy feeling….

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Clothes play a huge role in how you feel and do have an impact on how you think about yourself.  Being a preschool teacher and humanitarian activist, I have a wide range in clothing styles. I may put on one fun outfit and say, “this is the craziest thing and I love it!” and then wear something “businessy” and feel like I could give a TED talk, or put on my hippie clothes and present to a group of non-profits in a third world country.  My clothes definitely affect how I feel about myself!   

I have mental health issues.  If you’re like me, it’s not as if you can just tell yourself to “buck up” today, because the issue is a chemical one.  The health of your brain is so different from going to the doctor with a broken arm, for example.  They know what’s wrong and know how to put a caste on the arm to fix it.  If my daughter were to break her arm, they would know what to do.  With a mental health issue, it’s not just nature versus nurture.  It’s nature because of the genetic makeup.    I’m predisposed to depression and anxiety just like someone can be to cancer, diabetes or heart disease. Examples of mental health go back to my 3rd great grandmother who had postpartum depression.  They thought she was crazy and she died in a mental institution. I had a grandfather who couldn’t work because his anxiety was so bad. Multiple people in my family have brain health issues like bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, depression, treatment-resistant depression, anxiety, ADHD, and Autism spectrum disorder. Close family members have attempted suicide. It’s not as if I can just “buck up”.  There’s this nature side, and then there’s the nurture side.  We moved every year as a kid, I never fit in anywhere.  My clothes reflect that.  I don’t have a popular, trendy style because my style reflected wherever it was we were living at the time.  I look at my step sisters, who are amazing.  Their clothes are very trendy, they rotate them well through their closet.  It works for them, maybe because they had more consistency growing up?  I’m not really sure.  We moved all over with my mom growing up. She is now homeless somewhere in Southern California.  It was her birthday recently.  I sent her a message because I never know if she’s going to answer or if she does answer, how will she sound? What medication is she on now? 
You throw all of this into your life and a mundane daily task like getting dressed can cause severe anxiety. There are days when I think…”I don’t want to get out of bed because I have to go to my closet”.  Which is ridiculous!  It’s not normal and not healthy to stay in bed because you know you have to go get dressed.  Some days I say to my 3 year old, I’m just going to wear pajamas and we’re not going to leave the house.  There are stretches where the only reason I’ve gotten out of my house was to go see my therapist, pjs and all.  My husband will go to the grocery store when he gets off work late at night because I couldn’t get out of the house.  Part of this was because I have chronic depression and chronic anxiety.  But the other part is that I have to go to my closet and that is so overwhelming!

Hiring a stylist is not just for the wealthy, or people who are trendy, or for those who have been watching that cool show on Netflix that tells you the quick fix is to ask “does it bring me joy?”  Hiring a stylist is part of taking care of your mental health.  I thought maybe I could just be a hard core minimalist and have four pairs of blue jeans and five white t-shirts and maybe this would cut down on the anxiety.  But that’s not who I am.  That wouldn’t bring me joy, I’m much more creative than that.  When I put on my fun clothes, I am so happy!  And excited to leave the house feeling completely confident.  And now that my closet is organized and I understand the right shapes in clothes for my figure, I really do look awesome!  Was it a cure all? Of course not. But at least I can go in my closet without having a full blown attack, which definitely has a positive impact on me throughout the rest of the day.  Before Dani, my stylist, came, I was sitting on the bed with my mother-in-law saying, “she’s not even here and already I can’t breath”.  Now, not only can I breath a little easier, but I'm excited to get dressed and have a great day.  

A huge thank you to Janice for finding the courage to overcome the daily triggers of an overwhelming wardrobe and for putting words to the mental health issues so many struggle with on a daily basis.  Keep up the good work my friend!